One-Two-Three, Lunge

Several years ago I bought a gag gift at Christmas time for Taylor. It was an orange speedo. Similar to this pair of orange underwear, but speedo style.



This gag gift has provided our family endless moments of entertainment. About the time I gave this gift to him the movie "Nacho Libre" came out. I feel that this movie contributed to Taylor taking the term "stretchy pants" to a whole new level.

Taylor does have a sombrero, but this is not him. I show this image only to help you conjure a visual image.

One afternoon Taylor called from the end of the hall, "Did Paul go home?" ,and the reply came, "Yes." He proceeded to leap down the hall, like the FTD flower delivery person, in his charming orange speedo, aka "stretchy pants". Stating, "Finally, I thought he would never go home." As if prancing in his "stretchy pants" around the house is a normal family activity that happens every night precisely at 6 pm.

If that wasn't funny enough, he then went to the entertainment center and stood in front of the TV with his buttocks facing all of us. He put his arms on the entertainment center to support his weight and stood in a lunge position with most of his weight on his front leg. He began to do buttock flexes and deep lunges with his hands on his hips. He lunged/walked across our whole front room making deliberate lunges right at eye level for the edification of each boy.(To Taylors credit, he never does this in front of the two little girls, only me and the boys. Perhaps that doesn't matter, but I feel that it is a generous gesture on his part as it could scar the girls for life).

I was laughing,and gagging all at the same time. The boys were laughing,(out of shock, I believe) calling out things like "Sick!", "Gross!", "Disgusting!" and rushing to find anything and everything to cover their eyes with, as if they would turn to stone if they were to actually look and see their father in his "stretchy pant".


I am half tempted to seek out a large cross such as the one in the above photo, however, I am not sure what that would lead to. I can just imagine the get up now...orange "stretchy pants", sombrero, giant gold cross, and his fake mustache or beard all the while running as fast as he can at a high school football game holding a sign saying,"Catch me if you can!" Then being called from police department with a request to post bail.